As I age, I often wonder “Who am I?” In my freshman year at Olivet Nazarene University, I was assigned to write an essay concerning this subject. I realized that I had written about this in high school. Now I reflect and realize that I still feel like ME. My eyes peer out of the same two eye sockets that they have for 72 years and ten months since formation.
Some of the emotions and feelings have formed because of my brain announcing who I am and what I know. I wish often that I could retain everything with one reading or one hearing. But because of my intelligence capacity it has not worked that way. I guess I have had to allow the flame of a candle to get close enough for me to recognize.
I acquired acrophobia and basophobia from my father. Acrophobia and basophobia are fears of height with fear of falling. He trembled at climbing ladders but was able to climb a few steps up to paint a eight foot ceiling, but not much more. My junior year at Olivet Nazarene University I switched from working in the bakery to the electrical department. Donned with my electrical tools I headed off to change some light bulbs in the Administration Building. With work orders in hand, I read “Spot light out inside the administration building…. High Ceiling.” My heart skipped three beats as I looked at the top of the ceiling. I had to return to the shop and get a fifteen foot ladder. I picked a tool that grasps light bulbs and returned to the “dark, hovering light bulb” and positioned the ladder in place. My heart was throbbing as I looked at the burnt bulb clear up there. Slowly I started my trek to what seemed like a climb up Kilimanjaro, 5,895 meters high. I arrived at three steps from the top, got the “grabber” and clasped it over the bulb then twisted. Nothing happened. The light bulb did not move. I tried and tried. Now what? I could not return to earth without accomplishing my first mission. Slowly I descended and placed my helper tool on the ground. I assessed the job a second time. Climbing two steps from the top I slightly touched the bulb. Friends from the ground level were calling me and asking what I was doing. I yelled back, “I’m in the kitchen baking a cake!” With a slow movement I went up one more step and finally touched the enclosed light fixture. It seemed stable and without looking down I grasped that fixture and broke all rules as I read, “Do not stand here!” And rose like a scared chicken, it would have been nice to have said, a soaring eagle, but it was more like a frightened feathery chicken and stood on top of the ladder right where it said “Don’t Stand” on the very top of that new ladder. It wiggled and my shaking legs suddenly stopped trembling. I held on to the outside part of the fixture and untwisted that bulb. I put it in a work sack strapped around my neck and squatted enough to touch the top of the ladder and stepped down one rung. One, shinny, flat, aluminum rung. Then another and another. Reaching the ground several fellow students burst into applause! “Wow, how did you do that?” One student asked to which I replied, “When you come from a circus family you learn early.” What a lie. The next day my boss asked me about my circus act. Somebody had notified him “of my talent.” He was a happy, good person but he looked at me frowning and said, “Next time get the bigger ladder! Do you hear me?” I chuckled and thanked him for the good advice but inside of me a squashing of fears had been accomplished. The fear had been broken …. across the years I conquered fears of being a husband, a pastor a father, a learner-of-a-new-culture and a new language.
I suddenly realized that even though I have conquered many things I am still me! I know Now that I would tackle many things to reach new goals. ““With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible,” (Matthew 19:26). I along with God have travelled many miles. In my forties I learned to ride a motorcycle. What a hobby! I perhaps have much to learn and more “crazy” things to do. I thank God for each new day. My ice skates are gone, my motorcycle is parked but I still leaned to crochet a dishcloth for the kitchen because it is a good exercise for arthritis in your hands. Keep your fingers moving, the doctor said. Quite a difference from the motorcycle ride over bridge grates in Jacksonville or Tampa or standing on the top of a fifteen foot ladder. All of that stuff and a whole lot more is about what I accomplish in and for Christ to be able share God’s Word in Português. Come on, get your crazies on and join the fun! Romans 8:38-39 says: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, (39) neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Amen, and again I say amen!
– Pastor Carl
Thanks Tina P. for letting me share your writing day.